There’s so much more about this smile. You just don’t know. This is the web portal of a fifteen-year-old feline who grew whiskers and paws. As much as she loves dwelling in her solemn, gloomy little own world – she is also thought to be a nonsensical and ill-mannered child who eats anything but food.
Yo. It’s Rachee.
Rachelle Angeli B. Marañon for short. HAHA. I love purple. I accept friends and comments. I laugh, I love, I shop, I cry. I do everything I want; I’m still young, wild and free. I know my boundaries, mistakes and flaws. I spill secrets. I’m bubbly. I’m not aiming for the perfect me but the better me. I do what’s right or maybe wrong, but I still make of it. I laugh at myself if I did something silly. I can control my temper and everything that should be controlled. Everyone knows that life is crazy but wonderful. It can be unfair, but not at all times. I can be your worst enemy or best friend. I am weird, but not that simple. I have realized something that I should have been realizing earlier, still seeking for true friends and for my knight in shining armour. Patiently waiting and I wish they’ll come sooner or later. I don’t believe at love at first sight, nor at times even at true love. Everyone has an individual ability to make a person happy, and I can make you happy, but sometimes I can make you cry. Some people hate me but I don’t mind them because they’re insecure. I take many pictures. I had swollen my pride; my past memories are still treasured. You are welcome in my heart and I swore I won’t forget you. Keep that curve on your face; keep smiling!
Take chances, take a lot of them. Because honestly, no matter where you end up and with whom, it always ends up just the way it should be. Your mistakes make you who you are. You learn and grow with each choice you make. Everything is worth it. Say how you feel always. Be you, and be okay with it.
“There are two kinds of love…in the safe kind you look for someone who’s exactly like you. It’s what most folks settle for. But then there’s the other kind of love. Everyone’s born with a ragged edge, and some folks crave that piece that’s a perfect fit. You’ll search for it forever, if you have to. And if you’re lucky enough to find it, it looks so right, you start to tear at your own seams, thinking, maybe I could look just as perfect. But then, of course, when you try to get close to their other half, you don’t fit anymore. That kind of love…you come out of it a different person than you were when you started.”
But…as bad as it was, I learned something about myself. That I could go through something like that and survive. I mean, I know it could have been worse—a lot worse— but for me, it was all I could have handled at the time. And I learned from it.
Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to …admit it openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worse, returned. But one thing about human beings that puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within.
Maybe it is the hope I have left on humanity and to be saved and valued as a person to someone and mean something to them. Maybe it’s just wanting someone to be there besides the ones that are because you’re so accustomed to them being there as horrible as that sounds (although I am thankful for every single fucking person that has been/and is there for me). Maybe it is wanting to escape but feeling so trapped, because the truth is that no matter where it is in the world that you run to, you’ll always be a prisoner in your own body. Maybe it's the need of sanity and not feeling so damn emotional all the time. Maybe it’s wanting something so bad, and getting a taste of it, but it being grabbed and stolen away from you before you could cherish it. Maybe it is the lack of faith from everything. Maybe it;s the struggle of wanting to feel alive, but dying inside more and more everyday.
We do not know when we’re going to feel this thing, where we will find it, and who is the chosen one for us. But there comes a time when you know in yourself that you are falling for someone already, yet you cannot assume since there’s no mutual feeling between you and him/her.
Falling in love for someone is a difficult thing especially if the feeling is very strong. In times like this, it’s either you keep it secretly to yourself or you tell it to other people. One thing that holds you back from saying it directly to him/her is rejection. You’re thinking that doing this might affect your current relationship with that person or it might bring discomfort or even total awkwardness between you two.
You didn’t know that chances are there already around you. We are all afraid of rejection. It brings us to deep frustration especially in relationship. But still, there are other people who are brave enough to face the consequences that they might face. Love makes them strong, I must say. Others just feel it. They feel that a person has something “special” towards them by special attention and giving so much importance. We all have different ways of knowing that we’re in love. If we are brave enough to tell what we feel, then better. But if rejection impedes us from doing so, then wait for the right time.
“Love waits. It does not rush either. It even takes a long time, for having a hard time, finding for our right one.”
You know, the right guy won’t change you. He won’t subtly pressure you. He won’t tell you who you can and can’t talk to about the two of you. He won’t hide the fact that you’re hanging out. He’s not gonna tell you you’re wrong for feeling, for being a girl. The right guy will show you off to his friends. He’ll take it as slow as you want. He’ll only go as far as you’re comfortable with. He’ll take you out to places, even if it’s just a fast food place or the store. He’ll actually sit through your stupid girly Disney movies with you because he wants to watch them with you. The right guy will come along someday, you just gotta tough it out and wait for him. But whatever you do, don’t settle. You deserve so much more.
Just say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t expect someone to read your mind, and don’t play games with heads or hearts. Don’t tell half truths and expect trust when the full truth comes out. Half truths are no better than lies. Don’t be cold to someone you care about, cause indifference hurts more then angry words.
When you come to the realization that everything you have and everyone around you will at one time or another be gone, you actually start to apprehend what the definition of being lonely really means. Everyone at one point of their life has defined themselves as "alone in a world full of people", and the fear of abandonment creeps through your mind as a constant reminder of what it may be like to have no one by your side, but when the reality actually hits you of someone you love being gone forever, it's only then when you know what the definition of being lonely really means.
You should never give yourself a chance to fall apart because, when you do, it becomes a tendency and it happens over and over again. You must practice staying strong, instead.
You know what your problem is? You get attached, fast. And once you’re attached to someone, you do everything you can to please them and make them happy. It’s never been about what you want, it’s always everyone’s needs before your own. You give out too many chances to people, who quite frankly, do not deserve them. They take advantage of you, and you become a pushover. But you’re okay with that, because they’re in your life and that’s all you ever really wanted. And even if they screw you over, you’ll still be there for them. Because that’s you, that who you are. Once you get attached to someone, they capture your heart and they always have a place there. And that is why it’s so hard for you to let him go.
I don’t understand why everyone wants to be tied down so bad. It does get pretty lonely sometimes but it’s better than being suffocated all the time. I can hangout with whoever I want without having someone assume that I’m going to cheat on them or something. I never have to deal with those stupid arguments and annoying my friends by talking about them so much. And I can hangout whenever I want without feeling guilty about it. I mean, it would be nice to fall asleep on the phone with someone special, have monthaverseries and all that other cute shit, but I’m not desperate for it. I have the rest of my life to be tied down, I’m going to have as much fun as I can now.
NOTE: To view the other entries, go to OTHERS then to the ARCHIVES part. Choose between, “Latest” which contains the recent entries or the “Months” for by month posts.