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about the webmistress

There’s so much more about this smile. You just don’t know. This is the web portal of a fifteen-year-old feline who grew whiskers and paws. As much as she loves dwelling in her solemn, gloomy little own world – she is also thought to be a nonsensical and ill-mannered child who eats anything but food.

Yo. It’s Rachee.

Rachelle Angeli B. Marañon for short. HAHA. I love purple. I accept friends and comments. I laugh, I love, I shop, I cry. I do everything I want; I’m still young, wild and free. I know my boundaries, mistakes and flaws. I spill secrets. I’m bubbly. I’m not aiming for the perfect me but the better me. I do what’s right or maybe wrong, but I still make of it. I laugh at myself if I did something silly. I can control my temper and everything that should be controlled. Everyone knows that life is crazy but wonderful. It can be unfair, but not at all times. I can be your worst enemy or best friend. I am weird, but not that simple. I have realized something that I should have been realizing earlier, still seeking for true friends and for my knight in shining armour. Patiently waiting and I wish they’ll come sooner or later. I don’t believe at love at first sight, nor at times even at true love. Everyone has an individual ability to make a person happy, and I can make you happy, but sometimes I can make you cry. Some people hate me but I don’t mind them because they’re insecure. I take many pictures. I had swollen my pride; my past memories are still treasured. You are welcome in my heart and I swore I won’t forget you. Keep that curve on your face; keep smiling!

Xoxo,
Gossip Girl

♥ Rachee

cyber diary

2/15/2012

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

2/15/2012

I’m HAPPIER now. Be happy for me.

I loved. I got myself hurt. I thought myself crazy. I pitied myself. I laughed. I realized I was never at the losing end.

I cannot say that I no longer think of you and what we did and what you did to me or what you used to do to me or what we used to do together. I always “TRY” to think about those things- making me realize how stupid I had been to ever have fallen in love with somebody like you. (Lame, I know. Cliché-ic, I am pretty much sure.) Nonetheless, I never thought of ever regretting for I know I had been given the biggest opportunity to know and feel that some LOVE AFFAIRS could simply just be a Friendly love affair from beginning to the end. What is special to you? I do not know. You treated me nicely, yes, you did, but didn’t you treat EVERY GIRL nicely?

I think about the times I tell you I’m not doing fine and you TRY to show you care and now I wonderhow hard you’ve tried. I think about how you call me that B word so dearly and I think of the many more girls you call many different sweet words even more dearly than you call me. I think about the many things I’ve done for you and wonder how hard it probably had been for you to pretend that you actually cared even just the slightest bit. I think about the times I felt like dying to see you and remember how you didn’t mind not seeing me unless I’d wish us to see each other. I think about you doing just EVERYTHING you wished to do making me look like I was a “nobody” and that I didn’t and shouldn’t have a say in your wants-to-do. I think about you being a real best friend to me and I think again, and I realize that was all I was to you- only that I was “labelled”. I think about all the times I tolerated what I thought was intolerable and tried to bring back the trust I thought was impossible just so I could save something I thought was worth saving. I think about being CHEATED. I think about being told a DIFFERENT STORY and hearing the REAL STORY. I think about being just an option. I think about being just ONE OF THEM. I think about all of these and I smile for the reason that I appeared stupid to most people. Moreover, I smile because I realize, now, it’s finally over. I would no longer think of those things and think myself pathetic for I know I don’t deserve those. I smile and will keep on smiling because for some time in my life, I got to know you- you, who introduced me to a more vivid world of PRETENSE, SELFISHNESS, FALSE BELIEFS, and FEIGNED EMOTIONS.

You made me realize how dumb I am to give a lot and not mind receiving less than what I deserve. Nevertheless, that will never change the way I love and would love- for I know that there’s nothing wrong with giving my all for as long as they’re given to the right person. Well, you were the WRONG PERSON. You are SELF-CENTERED, EXTREMELY OVER-CONFIDENT, INSENSITIVE, TACTLESS, and INCREDIBLY ARROGANT.

It’s not about YOU all the time. It’s not about WHAT YOU WANT all the time. I pray you find yourMATCH, just so, PERHAPS, you’d become better.

When I thought about writing this note, I never imagined I’d be writing down things which are all about you, but I don’t care because these are what came out from me and I did not choose these. I know I probably sound or appear BITTER in this note, but hey, AREN’T WE ALL when we hear LAME EXCUSES and know we couldn’t do anything about them?

I’m not sure about this being the last big thought about you. All I know is that, thoughts of you and what you did make me SICK TO THE STOMACH. Anyway, THANKS A LOT for making it easy for me to forget the good times. We didn’t have a lot. I had more bad times with you which make me remember that there aren’t really much to hold on to.

I’m HAPPIER now. Be happy for me. :)

Labels: lessons, let go, love

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